Ooh this is a juicy one!
Comparison can have a huge impact on our own self-love and self-worth. Often by comparing ourselves, we can convince ourselves that we are not good enough and we need to be better. This is definitely something I have been through myself on my own self-love worthy – and if I’m completely honest – it still very much pops up from time to time now. Luckily, I have done a lot of self-development around comparison and equipped myself with the tools to not just stop myself from doing it, but to recognise why I was doing it in the first place. Hopefully, I can share some of these little nuggets with you today.
There are so many different ways that we can fall into the comparison trap:
· We can compare ourselves to other people we know – sometimes we look at those close to us and wish we were more like them. It’s great to admire the people in your life, but when it crosses that boundary into comparison it can become unhealthy.
· We can compare ourselves to strangers on the internet – often we compare ourselves to people we don’t even know or haven’t even met based on their Instagram or Facebook feeds. But it’s important to remember that these most likely are just highlight reels and don’t reflect their real, authentic everyday life.
· We can compare ourselves to previous versions of ourselves – sometimes we compare ourselves to ourselves. That person we were a few years ago, what we looked like or what we had back then.
And we can compare ourselves with all sorts of things: appearance, fashion sense, career, money, weight-loss journeys, homes, lifestyles etc. It’s not surprising that it is easy to fall into the comparison trap. Especially when society and the mass media sells us the idea that we have to be skinny, have all the designer clothes, all the money, a high-paying job and a lavish lifestyle to be successful.
Well I call BULLSHIT.
Here’s how I set myself free from the comparison trap…
1. Firstly, I reminded myself that the most important relationship I have is the one with myself. If you think about successful relationships, if you’re in a loyal, committed, healthy relationship with someone, you don’t spend the whole time comparing them to someone else of wishing they were someone else. At least I hope you don’t! Well, it’s the exact same thing with ourselves. You absolutely HAVE to be loyal to yourself. Have your own back. Appreciate yourself for everything you are. And don’t betray your own relationship with yourself by wishing you were someone else. You owe yourself that much.
2. Sometimes, I have to give myself an epic reality check too. How much do you really know what goes on in someone else’s life? You may envy her body, her career, her lifestyle, but she may envy another person’s relationship, family or home. And SHE may envy another person’s social life, fashion sense or vacation. You see? As much as you compare yourself to someone else, there’s probably someone out there comparing themselves to you. Like I said, it might seem like someone has it all, but how much do you really know about them?
3. Whenever I feel myself falling into the comparison trap, I go and pull one of my favourite books from the bookshelf: Light is the New Black by Rebecca Campbell. I’ve read this book so many times and I have highlighted certain sections from the book that really speak to me when I find myself comparing to other people. Rebecca talks about us all having our own unique light to shine, and when we accept and let this light shine as it is, not only do we shine brighter, but we give permission for others to shine with us too. “Don’t compare yourself to others. There’s no comparison between the sun and moon. They shine when it’s their time.”
4. I’ll admit there are still times when I see something on social media, and I get that little twang of jealousy (oh hello shadow side!) In this situation, I have two options. A) I can obsess over it, tell myself I’m crap in comparison and make myself feel miserable. Or B) I can use one of my favourite mantras to talk myself off the ledge – “Stay in your own lane”. Don’t focus on what THEY are doing. Keep that focus on you baby girl. Always choose option B.
5. Practice, practice, practice gratitude. Having a REGULAR gratitude practice really helps me to not compare myself to others. When you appreciate what you have, you have everything you need. So, every day find a couple of minutes to practice gratitude. You could write a gratitude list in your journal or you could spend a minute or two meditating about all the things you are grateful for. But once you really start appreciating all the things you have in your life, it can really help you quit comparing.
Finally, I’d like to share one of my favourite people to follow on social media when it comes to comparison. Social media can have a huge impact on how we compare, so it’s important you to follow people who inspire you and who you don’t compare yourself to in an unhealthy way. If you’re not already, you absolutely MUST follow Lucy Sheridan ‘The Comparison Coach’ @lucysheridan. She shares some incredible stuff all about how not to compare, and she now has a book out too YAY!